... You suck.

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[31 May 2005|06:38pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Fuck love indeed. Like you ever knew what love is.

[Shall Perish]

[28 Apr 2005|02:01pm]
Yeah, so I re-activated this journal.

That's about it.

Don't expect a lot of updates.
[Shall Perish]

[10 Nov 2004|06:45pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Check out the first ever Bayi interview on MTVhell.com. Much love to Jose for gathering the courage to finally ask hard questons and get to core of what Bayi really is! Muahahahahaha!!!

*goes back to playing with his legos*

[1 xShall Perish]

[10 Jun 2004|10:41pm]
[ mood | content ]

I'm gonna drink some beers in a few minutes and watch Adult Swim until 3 in the morning. Maybe I'll get drunk, maybe I'll get buzzed, maybe I'll be okay... I don't know. And I don't care. Bottoms up motherfuckers.

UPDATE: Okay, it was the former. As in the first. I can barely type a coherent sentence, haha.

[Shall Perish]

[31 May 2004|09:07pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Friends only... comment to be added.

[8 xShall Perish]

Musical projects... [28 May 2004|10:53am]
[ mood | bored ]

As some of you know, my passion in life is making music. Right now I have 5 musical projects I'm working on, each of which satisfies my different tastes. They are:

Christ's Bleeding Hemorrhoids, my black metal side project.

Emo.Must.Die., my brutal metalcore/grind side project.

Enter Solitude, my experimental rock side project.

Exorshit, my brutal death/grind side project.

Bloody Anal Yeast Infection, my genre-bending metal project, main musical priority, and my pride and joy.

Quite a handful, eh? Right now I have so many ideas I'm having trouble manifesting them all properly. Emo.Must.Die. is the top priority right now though. I have a demo and full length to finish before I slip out of this hardcore mode I'm in right now. See, that's my big problem... I can only write for each of my projects when I am in the mood to listen to that kind of music. Emo.Must.Die. is pretty much directly influenced by the bands On Broken Wings, Remembering Never, Bodies in the Gears of the Apparatus, and Discordance Axis so the moment I grow tired of those bands and feel like listening to something else Emo.Must.Die. will go on hold until I get back in that mode. Yeah, it's a bitch. But people seem to like my shit so as long as they dig it and I dig it I'll continue to work this way.

After Emo.Must.Die. is wrapped up I have another BAYI full length to make, as well as an EP and some material for potential upcoming splits. Bloody Anal Yeast Infection is weird... everything from brutal death/grind to hardcore to metalcore to techno comes into play with BAYI. I haven't heard too many bands like it... the closest I've found is a band called The Berzerker which oddly enough inspired me to start Bloody Anal Yeast Infection. Originally a techno death/grind project, BAYI has spawned into something all its own and I just love it. Apparently others do as well... I seem to have a small cult following. :D

After BAYI I need to write a CBH full length. I have 3 three song EP's, one of which was never released, so a full length just seems likea logical step. Christ's Bleeding Hemorrhoids is heavily influenced by bands like Venom, Bathory, Mayhem, Darkthrone, Gorgoroth, and Thor's Hammer. It has that classic "cave" BM sound and the lyrics just poke fun at all the cliches of the genre. Totally unserious lyrically but the music is straight up old school BM.

Somewhere during all of this I need to write more Enter Solitude material for the split with Dungeon Dweller. I only need 2 or 3 songs so it shouldn't be that hard... and I've tapped Sam to sing on a few of them. It should come out very well. I don't know what inspires this project... I just love melody and this project allows me to totally explore my softer, more melodic side.

And finally, I gotta finish the Exorshit record that's been started and stopped for over 2 years now and finish a follow-up EP as well. Damn... talk about delays after delays. And I thought MPS took forever to record material. Haha, just kidding Mike. ;) Exorshit isn't my main projecyt by any means, but I put more effort into it than my other side projects. I guess you could call it my secondary project. Yeah... anyway Exorshit is directly influenced by the brutal Texas death metal bands Devourment and Sect of Execration. Total death/grind.

As far as releasing shit goes, I know for a fact the BAYI/MPS split as well as the next BAYI full length are coming out on Razorfed Records, a label being started by my boy Bradley! Wut up holmes! But as far as everything else, I dunno. I'm hoping to convience Brad to release the Enter Solitude/Dungeon Dweller split as well as the Emo.Must.Die. full length... we'll have to see if he's up for it. The Exorshit full length will probably be self-released, as will the CBH full length. I doubt Brad would release either of those and I'm not interested in label shopping, so yeah... I'll probably end up either selling them directly out of my home or making them available for free download online. Maybe not Exorshit but definitely CBH. That's how I've released 2 of my 3 EP's uner that name.

Man, so much to do, so little time to do it in. I'm done ranting now.

[8 xShall Perish]

[25 May 2004|10:49pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Sam and I aren't dating anymore. Tonight as we were talking it became pretty obvious that she was not ready for another serious relationship so soon after going through one with me and a rushed one like with Dani. There's no bad blood, no animosity, nothing even close to that... I'm still in love with her and I feel much better knowing she is still in love with me. She needs time to re-evaluate herself and find out who she really is, and in all honesty I've been kinda slipping as of late and I need more time to work on myself. She needs this. I need this. Our getting back together once she and I have gotten better has not been ruled out, assuming I'm still what she wants and vice-versa. I will not go out of my way to date other people and get over Sam, and once again vice-versa, instead allowing time to show us what is right.

I'm not depressed, I'm not bitter, I'm quasi-lonely, but I feel loved despite what has happened and I can sleep easy knowing that nothing I did whatsoever prompted this. For once I did everything right and if given another chance I will do it again. We're still friends and as far as I know we're still gonna go see CODC together so it's all good. Word.

[5 xShall Perish]

[24 May 2004|03:33pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Sam and I have been having a real problem as of late with her just randomly swatting me whenever I do or say anything even remotely similar to what Dani used to say or do. It didn't really start until a few days ago but it's already getting annoying as hell. The weird thing is I have not laid a finger on her in any negative way whatsoever, unless you count my massages (which are hard as hell). But she asks me to be rough like that, so yeah... nothing. It has the potential to become a real problem down the road. Her flinching has also become noticably worse since she left Dani and got back with me. Sometimes the most harmless motion from me if done too fast, like simply standing u, will make her jump away and shrinking back into a little ball. Yeah it's kinda cute and it makes me wanna just take her into my arms and huggle her and smother her with kisses, but it's still her natural defense reflex and I've never seen it this bad before. I guess I have one fucking worthless douche bag to thank for that, don't I?

I think I'm handling the situation correctly though. Since I actually have a pair of balls worth speaking of I have not and will not strike her back in any way. Instead whenever she does it I just gently call her on it and remind her that I'm Dusty. Not Dani, not Mickey, Dusty. That kind of reaction is not necessary with me and I prove it to her by taking her into my arms, holding her close and stroking her face gently as I assure her she has nothing to fear from me. I also throw in some kisses for good measure. And already the problem is starting to take care of itself. Saturday she was taking noticable effort to keep herself under control and not swat me. Yesterday she barely lashed out at all and refrained from doing so with ease. I love the way our relationship is this time... it's one of total communication. No secrets whatsoever, no stupid bullshit to bog us down. I love it. :D

[9 xShall Perish]

[23 May 2004|03:06am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

After the thing with Joe, all I needed was to get drunk and get laid. But since I couldn't really do either I did te next best thing... I went and saw Shrek 2. Haha. Good movie, but I still wish I could have gotten drunk and gotten laid. Oh well, there's always tomorrow. ;)

[2 xShall Perish]

God save us. [22 May 2004|07:23pm]
[ mood | mixed emotions ]

Tonight I got home from having dinner with Dolli and my mom and there was a message waiting for me on my answering machine. It was from a friend of mine named Joe Halles, calling from Kufa, Iraq and he wanted me to call him back.

I've never talked about Joe before, but I look at Joe the way I look at Dan. He's like a fucking brother to me and I would do absolutely anything for the guy. He joined the Marines about a year and a half ago and became a tanker. Earlier this year he got shipped out, but we didn't know where.

Of course I called him back. He sounded really rattled and after about two minutes of talking to him I found out why. This kid is barely 20 years old and already he's been in heavy combat. Apparently he's been battling remnants of the regime, but I'm not even certain he knows who the fuck he's killing. I began to ask him questions about the situation in Iraq and while he didn't go into too much detail in the limited amount of time we had suffice to say everything we're being told on the news is complete bullshit. Everything. Big surprise, right?

We talked for a little while longer and then he had to go... I had so much to say but not enough time to say it... I just told him how fucking PROUD of him I am and how much I want him to come home so I could see him again and relive the old times. I begged him to take care of himself and come home alive... he assured me he would be fine and he genuinely appreciated my words. It was all I could do to keep from crying...

I don't know... I've always supported the war in Iraq (and I still do) and I have always cared about the well being of our troops, but now I feel it in a deep, deep kind of way. My best friend is in the middle of a fucking war. He could die tomorrow and I'd never see him again. Or he could live and come home so I could shake his hand and buy him a fucking beer. He has a wife, a family, good friends, a future... you know? He has such potential and it would just kill me if he was robbed of the chance to realize it.

I just wanna ask everyone to say a prayer for my friend Joe tonight, as well as all the other brave coalition soldiers over there. I am so proud of my friend, yet I am absolutely terrified for him. Please God, let me see him again...

[Shall Perish]

Something that didn't make the news... [22 May 2004|12:21pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Maybe you’d like to hear about something other than idiot Reservists and naked Iraqis.

Maybe you’d like to hear about a real American, somebody who honored the uniform he wears.

Meet Brian Chontosh.

Churchville-Chili Central School class of 1991. Proud graduate of the Rochester Institute of Technology. Husband and about-to-be father. First lieutenant in the United States Marine Corps.

And a genuine hero.

The secretary of the Navy said so yesterday.

At 29 Palms in California Brian Chontosh was presented with the Navy Cross, the second highest award for combat bravery the United States can bestow.

That’s a big deal.

But you won’t see it on the network news tonight, and all you read in Brian’s hometown newspaper was two paragraphs of nothing. Instead, it was more blather about some mental defective MPs who acted like animals.

The odd fact about the American media in this war is that it’s not covering the American military. The most plugged-in nation in the world is receiving virtually no true information about what its warriors are doing.

Oh, sure, there’s a body count. We know how many Americans have fallen. And we see those same casket pictures day in and day out. And we’re almost on a first-name basis with the pukes who abused the Iraqi prisoners. And we know all about improvised explosive devices and how we lost Fallujah and what Arab public-opinion polls say about us and how the world hates us.

We get a non-stop feed of gloom and doom.

But we don’t hear about the heroes.

The incredibly brave GIs who honorably do their duty. The ones our grandparents would have carried on their shoulders down Fifth Avenue.

The ones we completely ignore.

Like Brian Chontosh.

It was a year ago on the march into Baghdad. Brian Chontosh was a platoon leader rolling up Highway 1 in a humvee.

When all hell broke loose.

Ambush city.

The young Marines were being cut to ribbons. Mortars, machine guns, rocket propelled grenades. And the kid out of Churchville was in charge. It was do or die and it was up to him.

So he moved to the side of his column, looking for a way to lead his men to safety. As he tried to poke a hole through the Iraqi line his humvee came under direct enemy machine gun fire.

It was fish in a barrel and the Marines were the fish.

And Brian Chontosh gave the order to attack. He told his driver to floor the humvee directly at the machine gun emplacement that was firing at them. And he had the guy on top with the .50 cal unload on them.

Within moments there were Iraqis slumped across the machine gun and Chontosh was still advancing, ordering his driver now to take the humvee directly into the Iraqi trench that was attacking his Marines. Over into the battlement the humvee went and out the door Brian Chontosh bailed, carrying an M16 and a Beretta and 228 years of Marine Corps pride.

And he ran down the trench.

With its mortars and riflemen, machineguns and grenadiers.

And he killed them all.

He fought with the M16 until it was out of ammo. Then he fought with the Beretta until it was out of ammo. Then he picked up a dead man’s AK47 and fought with that until it was out of ammo. Then he picked up another dead man’s AK47 and fought with that until it was out of ammo.

At one point he even fired a discarded Iraqi RPG into an enemy cluster, sending attackers flying with its grenade explosion.

When he was done Brian Chontosh had cleared 200 yards of entrenched Iraqis from his platoon’s flank. He had killed more than 20 and wounded at least as many more.

But that’s probably not how he would tell it.

He would probably merely say that his Marines were in trouble, and he got them out of trouble. Hoo-ah, and drive on.

“By his outstanding display of decisive leadership, unlimited courage in the face of heavy enemy fire, and utmost devotion to duty, 1st Lt. Chontosh reflected great credit upon himself and upheld the highest traditions of the Marine Corps and the United States Naval Service.”

That’s what the citation says.

And that’s what nobody will hear.

That’s what doesn’t seem to be making the evening news. Accounts of American valor are dismissed by the press as propaganda, yet accounts of American difficulties are heralded as objectivity. It makes you wonder if the role of the media is to inform, or to depress – to report or to deride. To tell the truth, or to feed us lies.

But I guess it doesn’t matter.

We’re going to turn out all right.

As long as men like Brian Chontosh wear our uniform.

[Shall Perish]

The days are just flying by... [20 May 2004|11:09am]
[ mood | lonely ]

Religion is something that should not be the deciding factor in a friendship. Ever. I make a point of avoiding religious debate with most of my friends and that has allowed me to run the spiritual guantlet, so to speak. I mean, I have friends who are Christian fundamentalists, I have friends that are wicca, I have friends that are satanists, buddhists, athiest, and even some friends that are so disenfranchised they don't know what to believe anymore. And I have infinite respect for my friends and their religious beliefs, hence why I rarely get into arguments about them. I don't know too many people who can sit back and make that kind of a statement.

I have yet to meet anyone who has a belief even remotely similar to mine. I consider myself a Christian, yet I can't be nailed down to any official denomination. I just can't. I've checked and double checked, just to be sure. My beliefs stem from how I was raised, and all I was taught when I was coming up was that there was one God in his heaven with his son, the Lord Jesus Christ, and he loves me and every other person on this Earth unconditionally. That's it. The Bible was not something that was taught in my house and I did not go to Church. I reject the teachings of any religious organization because in my eyes they make believing in God a burden and not a joy, as it should be.

My beliefs are fairly simple. I believe that so long as you live a good life you will go to heaven. See? Fairly spartan. I've studied other religions enough to know that no matter what path you choose if you stick to it you will live a good life. Most of the major religions all have something similar to the Ten Commandments, something that lays out a moral code that manages to fall along the same lines as the others. You can be a wicca or a buddhist or a muslim or whatever... just so long as you live a good life and are respectful of those around you there's a spot for you in heaven.

"God, being perfect and holy, cannot tolerate sin."

A good friend of mine wrote that in his attempts to make a case for Christianity to a mutual friend who happens to be wicca. I have a problem with that statement. If God is perfect intolerance cannot be apart of his repitour. Intolerance and perfection do not go hand in hand, they are in fact on completely different levels. If God were perfect he would show kindness and forgiveness to all, regardless of their faith or their actions. But that doesn't make any sense since we have Hell and people who commit the most grevious of sins are sent there, so that can only mean that God is not perfect. No matter how you look at it, that logic is fundamentally flawed.

God is not perfect. That is what I believe. For starters, it's in the Bible. God made mistakes and admitted he made mistakes, and a perfect being does not make mistakes. Then he/she/it would not be perfect. Secondly, perfect beings cannot create less perfect beings. What kind of sense does that make? If you're perfect, could you possibly create something that lacked your own perfection? Would it even be possible for you to create something that did not reflect your own perfection? No. It just doesn't work that way. God is closer to perfection than us, but by no means perfect. At least no one can call God's imperfection on the existance of evil anymore... well, they won't when Dan gets off his ass and publishes his solution to the Problem of Evil.

End pointless rant.

[3 xShall Perish]

[19 May 2004|10:57pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

Sam and I are going to see Circle of Dead Children, Rotten Sound, and Phobia on May 27. I can't wait... CODC is one of my favorite bands and I've been dying to see them live for over a year. Sam's really excited as well... she's wanted to see them ever since I got her hooked on them over a year ago, haha. It'd be funny as hell if they had a CODC thong for sale or something, cuz I know Sam would buy that shit in half a second. I'd be seeing plenty of THAT bad boy, I'll tell you what! Haha, I'll probably buy a couple of fucking shirts as well... CODC and Phobia more than likely. I can't wait.

I'm tired as fuck. I was moving heavy shit around at work today out in the fucking trailers... blah. I don't care, I have good hours and I make great money so whatever they have me do is well worth it. I just hate having to get up so early in the fucking morning, but sacrifices must be made I suppose. Dan and I will probably be moving out in August now... first August, then June, then back to August again. Round, round, and round my future living arrangemenbts go, where they'll stop nobody fucking knows! Lol.

It's late and I have work early tomorrow. Peace motherfuckers.

[1 xShall Perish]

[18 May 2004|03:28pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Let's see, what's been going on... well I decided to keep my current job and not go work at Tripps. I figured I make plenty at my current job and since I have my hours exactly as I want them there's no reason to go rocking the boat now, especially with my moving out currently impending.

I went to see the movie Troy last week. It was pretty good... Brad Pitt's character was way to arrogant at frst to suit my tastes, but as the movie rolled on it just got better and better. Lots of gore and violence, not a lot of boring, unnecessary character development. Word.

Sam and I are doing great... :)

[9 xShall Perish]

[14 May 2004|09:25am]
[ mood | happy ]

My chances of being hired at Tripps are very good, since apparently they are in need of cooks and other help back in the kitchen. I met with the head manager yesterday and I guess he liked what he saw, because he scheduled me for a second interview sometime next week with the kitchen manager. I should get a call either over the weekend or early next week to get an exact date for the interview. So yeah... I have my fingers crossed. Word.

Sam and I are doing great. I know it's a bit early to say this, but I'm aiming for this relationship to be long-term. Very long term, if you catch my drift. We'll see how the next six months goes... I don't have any doubts though. This time we've just clicked in a way we never have before... not with each other or with anyone else. It's weird, but I like it. We like it.

Eh, that's it for now kids. Peace.

[3 xShall Perish]

[13 May 2004|02:29pm]
[ mood | excited ]

I have an interview lined up at one of the nicer restaurants in town to work some evenings in 1 hour, and I can probably grab the morning shift part time at Jersey Mikes. Assuming I get both jobs (and I probably will) I can conceivably make enough money this summer to not only afford my place with Dan but have plenty of extra spending cash for other things. W00t! W00t! Wish me luck! :D

[3 xShall Perish]

Um... yeah. [12 May 2004|12:06pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Just rearranged my work hours. 8-1 Monday through Friday, w00t w00t! Let's see, not much else has happened... Sam and I are doing well and I've been spending a lot of time with my friends. That's about it. Yeah.

[5 xShall Perish]

[10 May 2004|01:36am]
[ mood | content ]

I was gonna make this long-as post detailing my weekend, but then I just decided fuck it. That's not really important. But you know what is? The fact that I love Samantha with all my heart. That's what's important.

[Shall Perish]

[07 May 2004|03:37pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

I couldn't help it. I had to call her. Hearing her voice, her laugh... my heart just melted all over again. I love that girl so much.


I'm trying my best not to smother the girl. The last thing I wanna do is annoy her but she just keeps telling me it's okay if I do smother her... she's just eating it up and loving every second of it. I'm all too happy to oblige.

[2 xShall Perish]

[07 May 2004|11:14am]
[ mood | bored ]

Dan's gonna want to go see Van Helsing tonight, I just know it. He's been psyched about that movie for months and now he even has me all worked up about it, but I would just rather wait until maybe midday Saturday or something. I just wanna sit back and chill tonight... this past week has been an emotional rollercoaster for me and I just need to unwind a bit.

[Shall Perish]

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